Since I’d had so much trouble on Friday evening, I decided to wear the same outfit again for the party on Saturday. I didn’t get a good full-length picture of it to post, but I’m sure I’ll wear it again sometime. I wore a byzantium purple dress, matching nail polish, sparkly purple eyeshadow, black industrial net back-lined stockings, shiny black Mary Janes with medium heels, lacy black fingerless wrist-gloves, a long silver-white wig with bangs, and my leather jacket. I was rushing around to get food before the party so I forgot to get out the tiny black top hat I had worn the night before.
I had trouble getting out of my car again, because I slowed down to eat food and had to get up the nerve to go in again. I had expected the Captain to accompany me, but he bootblacked all day without much of a break so he decided to go home and sleep instead. I like having friends with me at kink parties, so it upped my anxiety to go alone. After steadying my nerves, I finally put on my game face and went in.
The party was cold. I stood awkwardly near the doorway for a few minutes, trying to get my bearings. Finally I snagged a chair and sat watching the scenes already in progress. A few people I remembered seeing earlier sat down near me and we started talking. From my bag I removed my equipment for my secret experiment and held it in my hand, smoothing the sheet of paper and bandana nervously over my lap. My conversation companions asked me what it was for, I explained, and then I set everything up and dove in.
I dragged my chair to the edge of the pool of light in the middle of the room, hung my leather jacket on the back of the chair, tied my pink bandana around my eyes, held up my sign, and waited. My sign read, “DDog’s Make Out Corner – All Genders Welcome – (Kiss Me I’m Queer).”
Originally, I had planned to be naked and blindfolded, and when I do this again in the future that will be the case, but the room was just too cold for me to relish the thought of sitting there for an unspecified length of time without some protection. I held my post for roughly an hour and a half and received some very nice kisses from about a dozen people. Some of them were soft, others were more forceful. One person murmured that I was quite tempting but they were unable to kiss me, and ran their fingers up and down my arms instead. Near the end I received a simultaneous kiss from three people. Most of the time I just sat there quietly in the dark, listening to the sounds around me.
I’ve fantasized about variations on the theme of “I’m blindfolded and naked, unknown people do things to me” for awhile now, and this was the first time I’ve gotten to do it. The kissing was hot and I hope the next time I do this I will get more takers, but I’m also grateful for the experience of listening to a party without seeing it. I sometimes have a difficult time processing busy environments like that, and removing one of my senses was unexpectedly calming. It reminds me of an Isaac Asimov story, “Catch That Rabbit” where a robot in charge of six other robots acts strangely until one of the underling robots is removed and the head robot is fine again, because directing six robots was overloading its organizational capacity. I wonder whether noise-canceling headphones might be useful in situations where blindfolds are not appropriate or less practical. When I mentioned this on Twitter, @greenwillow77 recommended the Simply Noise white noise generator, which I will be trying out.
After I removed my blindfold, a few of the people who had kissed me introduced themselves, and it turned out to be the group I had given directions to lunch earlier in the day, and I had given them directions to the Playhouse the night before, and they remembered my demo-bottoming for Jay Wiseman‘s rope workshop at Sugar a few weeks ago, as well as a number of other events we had each attended but not crossed paths. So, yay for meeting kindred spirits! They also gave me head skritches and a shoulder and arm massage which was pretty spectacular.
Face to face, they had some questions about my gender. On the one hand, I didn’t mind answering them because I was hoping to make friends with them so getting the baseline education out of the way early is in my long-term self-interest, as well as my personal educational goals of making the world a better place for trans people through the basic information that so many otherwise-well-meaning people still don’t have. It’s also a far less stressful conversation to have while getting a massage! On the other hand, half the reason the setup of blindfold and sign is so attractive to me is so I don’t have to have these conversations in order to get kisses. It felt like I got to not be trans for an hour, and then I was trans again which I could tell because people were asking me questions and giving me advice about it. (Most accurately, it felt like I got to not be anything, but trans is the thing that yields the most friction for me in my daily life.) My dysphoria is peculiar and comes up most strongly when I am _aware_ of other people assuming I am a woman based on my appearance, and when I am explaining that actually that isn’t the case.
On the whole, I’ll call it a successful experiment. I’ll be doing another version at a party in May, and the most involved version of this experiment is forthcoming at Dark Odyssey: Fusion in June, which I’m very excited about.